Do NOT tell me to take care of myself!
“If one more person tells me I need to take care of myself, I’m going to scream! I realize that people mean well and probably don’t know what else to say. But, honestly, I don’t have to be constantly reminded to take care of myself. And, by the way, I’d like to know exactly what that looks like . . . What does that mean?
If asked, I would say that to me it means getting a personal trainer, going away for a weekend, having a pedicure, getting my hair done, having someone clean my house, or taking myself out to dinner. Do you happen see any common denominator? It all costs money!
My brother asked me why I would feel guilty about spending money on myself. It’s not about that. I don’t feel guilty, but it’s not like I have an endless supply of funds either. I prefer not worrying about the money I’m spending while I’m actually getting a massage as it kind of defeats the purpose.
When someone tells me to take care of myself, it just feels like one more thing I have to do — on my own. So, on top of having to deal with all the caregiving itself and doing things for others, adding another thing to do, even if it is for myself, can just feel like too much. I feel angry and resentful. I now have to take care of myself too?! Can’t someone take care of me for a change?
I tried to tell my siblings that if I get a $35.00 gift certificate for a pedicure, you’d think I won the lottery. And, what a treat to be taken out for dinner. To my friends, I say, please don’t wait to hear from me. Call me and tell me you are taking me out for dinner and make it happen. It’s also a recognition and validation from someone else besides myself. I know I’m doing a good thing and making a sacrifice, but it just isn’t as meaningful when I’m the one who has to reward myself. I could use the companionship too.
So, please, instead of telling me to take care of myself, arrange for us to go get a pedicure together or go out to dinner. Give me a small gift certificate (doesn’t have to be much) towards a massage. Feel free to ask if there is anything I “need,” but I’d prefer to be asked if there is anything I “want,” instead. Give me permission to “want” something and just not always be in a state of “need.” However, don’t be offended if my response sounds like I’m asking for something that costs money — because I am.”
This is pulled word fro word from CAREGIVER CONNECTIONS, NOVEMBER 1, 2019.
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